1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
