The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
