if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this boner is exhausting
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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