You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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