The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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