Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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