dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
