I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
