one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
