There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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