I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
