apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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