u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
