Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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