threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
