dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As shirtless as possible
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
