Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
