I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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