Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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