brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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