apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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