i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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