For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
