i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
