Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
