well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
