I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize