You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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