I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
