Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I bet he comes in French.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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