I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
