How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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