You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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