This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
