oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
