Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
