2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
