I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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