i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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