do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
