I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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