You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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