I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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