where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
