i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
