I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
