Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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