Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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