I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
