you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
