remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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