If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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