dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
