my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
time to smoke my breakfast
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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