Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
