I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
