I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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