I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
