He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
