Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
