You made me cry and you don't even care
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
