I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
