Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
