i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
