I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
