You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and she was petting her beer can
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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