I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
