my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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