i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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