yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
