Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
