The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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