He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
