Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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