ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
