Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
